barbara walters just said penis...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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