But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
