The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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