Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
