Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
