You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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