Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
