THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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