He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
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Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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