if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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