I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
