I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
