I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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