i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
