I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
