I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize