I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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