he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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