Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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