The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
