The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
