I heard we made out
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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