oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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