We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
