I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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