The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you will always have a special place in my vag
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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