whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
