your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
