Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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