I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize