Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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