Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
