They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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