Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
