pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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