Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
