I am puke
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
