i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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