I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
