just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
