I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
