Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize