I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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