Will you blow on my dice?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
