And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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