a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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