I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
