I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
