WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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