Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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