but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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