I can text with my tongue
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
