Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
