I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
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YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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