I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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