I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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