genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
