True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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