so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize