6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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