All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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