Just fell off a train. Bad.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
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